No Amount of Reading or Internet Searching Can Match

Mimi Borden lives with her family in Lincoln and just completed Parenting Through a Jewish Lens in Newton.

Since the afternoon in high school when my cross-country coach (who was my history teacher, a novelist and a stand-up comedian) shared his philosophy of never being unprepared, preparation has been key to everything I do. Before starting any project, I like to research, investigate, ask questions and then make decisions that are as informed as possible. When pregnant with our first child, our bedroom became a maze of parenting advice. Even though he wasn’t born yet, I had already read books on sibling rivalry, playground politics, and rainy-day crafts. I was going to be so prepared for our child, that all of my doubts, fears and uncertainties would be addressed before they even had a chance to materialize. In retrospect, it seems like it wouldn’t be too hard to guess how successful that strategy was.

Fast forward 10 years and while my inclination is still to research and analyze, most of the time – through work and homework, lessons, play-dates  meals and laundry - I find myself flying by the seat of my pants. There have been days when I felt lucky just to have a clean pair of pants. When I’m being honest, I admit that I remember only passing fragments of what I read years ago, have the time and focus to read just a fraction of what I want to, and know that searching for parenting advice on the Internet invariably ends in a wonderfully chaotic maze of stuff (including more books in my Amazon shopping cart than I’ll ever read). What’s more, interactions with my children so rarely unfold as I would have expected that most of the time my careful planning flies out the window before the conversation has really gotten started. I feel like I have so many unfinished thoughts, so many questions all swirling around at once. And at the center of it all is this desire to slow everything down, for us all to feel happy and nurtured and whole.

As a possible antidote to some of this, my husband and I signed up for Parenting Through a Jewish Lens at Temple Emanuel in Newton this past winter and spring. Despite the fact that our children are 7 and 10, the instructors assured me that the class would be as relevant for us as for new or expecting parents. I’m thrilled that we followed through.

First off, as a parent, I don’t think that there is any amount of reading that could match the experience of having weekly sessions with such smart, knowledgeable, kind, caring and compassionate instructors as Rabbi Michelle Robinson and Judy Elkin. No amount of Internet searching, for example, could replace sitting in a room and hearing how Rabbi Robinson talks about doing morning and evening prayers with children. It’s this Jewish blend of mindfulness that has slowed down our mornings and our evenings. It has made our children more aware of themselves and their worlds and reminded us of all the wonderful possibilities of being a parent.

The small class setting was also integral to the experience. With six couples and our instructors, all who care deeply about their children and the world, a community sprang up – one that supported and challenged one another. Hearing others talk about the relationships with their own parents, fears of being a new parent, questions about faith and Israel and observance, made the class meaningful in a way that it could never have been if we were doing it on our own. Sharing this experience with a close community heightened the questions and the answers and constantly reminded us that we’re all in it together.

The lessons that emerged from the class, I think and hope will make a lasting impression on our family life and our parenting styles. These lessons range from the relatively straightforward to the truly profound, and I know that we will be thinking about their evolving meanings for our family for many years. Parenting through a Jewish lens means to me that we are mindful of special moments and should take the time to mark them, that we are always there for people who are making their way through difficult times, that being part of communities is an essential part of life, as is being true to oneself and nurturing our children to do the same. This view makes a difference in how we parent. Applying these teachings in meaningful ways enriches both the big picture of our lives as well as the day to day.

When I think about how PTJL has had an impact, I am also heartened by the way that Judaism is now positioned for our family. While enrolled in the class, two devastating tragedies took place very close to home. Having class to go to as an outlet for questions and confusion raised by both the shootings in Newtown and the bombings in Boston was invaluable. Our wise and thoughtful guides throughout the process reminded us that Judaism has dealt with tragedies since the beginning of time. Out of this has come wonderful stories of bravery, uncertainty and triumph that can help families talk to children about their fears and anxieties and chart a path for them back to something positive. Talking about Esther’s journey in the Purim story or the people who had the faith to light the menorah during Hanukkah filled the void when we didn’t know how otherwise to talk about what was happening in the world. It balanced tragedy with heroism and gave us all something hopeful to think about in the face of so much sadness.

For us, PTJL has served many purposes and bridged many gaps. For me, it certainly tapped into my need for preparation, and in a way that helped to slow down all the swirling questions in my head and to connect me more deeply to Judaism, a new community and most of all my family. To celebrate all the ‘aha’ moments we experienced during our class – and to all the questions we still have – I breathe and smile and say the Shehecheyanu.

PTJL is being offered at more than a dozen location throughout greater Boston this fall with amazing instructors - we hope you'll join us.

Our Final Class Wasn't So Final

A Needham family shares their long anticipated experience in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens and how their final class wasn't so final.

After six years of wanting to take Parenting Through a Jewish Lens we finally made it happen this year. The 10 week PTJL course at Temple Beth Shalom in Needham certainly lived up to our expectations. It gave us access to Jewish ideas and practices, an understanding of how these can inform our everyday lives, and a deeper appreciation for the things we were already doing in our homes. It allowed me and my husband a chance to explore the “why” not just the “what.”

Forging connections in the busy world of working and parenting can be challenging, but this class provided a perfect space to do so. Not only did we learn about the diversity of backgrounds among the participants, our facilitator, Ronit, brought her own story and warmth to the course. Yet in our 10 weeks together it felt like we were only skimming the surface. We had so much to discuss - so much on our minds as parents – and there was much from our discussions that we wanted to bring back to our homes. As a class, we decided to continue meeting even after the program wrapped up.

We thought it would be fitting to start with a get together and share something from home. My husband and I hosted a Saturday evening potluck (It was a miracle that we found a night that worked in everyone’s hectic schedules) and each couple brought a dish – from a novel carrot mint salad to a familiar, comforting dairy kugel. My husband loves to cook and made a knockout salmon dish that we all enjoyed.

Ronit came with cards, posters and a diverse sampling of sources to spur a conversation on Shabbat. We each picked an image that we connected to, explained why, and shared where we were in our practice. Our conversation uncovered the power of community – for some in the room Shabbat was a regular part of life, while  others are still figuring out if and how they might want it to be. We culminated with an inclusive, musical havdallah service.

For each of us in the class, going to the post-course meeting was a chance to demonstrate – with our feet and as well as with our kitchens – that we were committed to Jewish learning and to using it to inform our parenting. We each made time to have a conversation that mattered to us, and made time to keep up connections with our new friends. Taking the time to educate ourselves as Jewish parents provided an important gift to us as individuals that would ultimately benefit our whole family.

We are thrilled that the group is planning to continue getting-together for peer-led explorations of items we didn't fully have time for in the course (including the Ten Challenges by Felder). If the class provided us with a path of sound bites to follow as time and reality allowed, then we hope this offshoot will continue to nurture our paths. We’ll keep getting together to provide support for one another in Jewish learning – and parenting!

And … I hope you don’t wait as long as we did to sign up for this course.

PTJL Educator Ronit Ziv-Kreger and her family enjoying a fun moment

Ever Been to a Truly Meaningful Seder?

Parenting Through a Jewish Lens Alumni Advisory Group Chair Jessica Boatright reflects on making Passover Seders significant and shares a special family tradition. 

If you’ve been following this blog, you know that we recently had a great event to help alumni and friends of Parenting Through a Jewish Lens prepare for Passover. The afternoon included two short (and inspiring!) classes for parents – one on making the seder meaningful for our kids, led by Rabbi Julie Zupan, and the other on making the seder meaningful for adults, led by Rabbi Natan Margalit.

I have been reflecting on the session with Natan, and what it meant to me as a parent and individual. Natan began our session with a question that really struck me – he asked the group if they had ever been to a seder that was truly meaningful to them, as adults. Less than half the room raised their hands. His assertion, which received a lot of knowing looks, was that as parents we spend a lot of time thinking about how to make holidays and traditions meaningful and fun for our kids, and not very much time thinking about how to make them meaningful for ourselves. Moreover, as we learned as PTJL participants, helping our kids find meaning and connection is dependent not just on how we teach but on how we are – on how our kids perceive our own connection to Judaism. Natan’s Passover class was about nurturing this connection.

Luckily for me, I was able to raise my hand to Natan’s question, as I have been to not just one, but to many seders that have been meaningful to me as an adult. One reason for this is a tradition that we started with my mother’s family of having two very different seders – a traditional seder on the first night of Passover, and a more modern interpretation of a seder on the second night. Each year someone would find a new Hagaddah to use on the second night, usually aligned with a political theme (feminism, the labor movement, etc) or an expression of the seder (the puppet-based “We Tell It To Our Children” is a family favorite). Doing these two seders allowed us to deepen our connection to the holiday – reminding us that the story is both ancient and contemporary, that the seder is to be experienced both collectively and individually, and that Passover reminds us not just of our connections to the Jewish people but of our connections to humanity as well.

As the busy mother of two young children, however, it is easy to fall into the trap of forgetting the grown-ups, and myself, in the seders. While I might decorate the table with plastic figurines of the plagues for the kids to play with, I am hard-pressed to make time to find a new Hagaddah every year. But Natan’s class and my memories have me thinking – perhaps we don’t need a whole new seder to get us thinking. Instead, we can look for moments, maybe even just one, that we can add to help us find new meaning. It doesn’t even need to take much time. Put an orange (or a tomato) on your seder plate for the first time. When you raise each cup of wine, take a moment to tie it to a modern social justice issue. There are plenty of resources online, in print, and elsewhere to get you started in picking something. Below are a few ideas from Natan and me:

Beginners by Denise Levertov

The Empty Seder Plate Responsive Reading

Resource Guide from the Religious Action Center for Reform Judaism

American Jewish World Service Passover Resources

T’ruah Passover Materials 2013

Modern Day Plagues? New York Times Article about Locusts in Israel and Egypt This Year

Resources that both Julie Zupan and Natan Margalit shared at the Matzah Matters event

Passover Recipes inspired by Matzah Matters

This past Sunday, the Parenting Through a Jewish Lens Alumni Advisory Group put on a fabulous event to help families prepare for Passover. “Matzah Matters” drew 60 people who enjoyed learning, schmoozing, eating and crafting.

The planning group got creative with the menu: everything served corresponded to foods you typically find at a Seder; mini quiches were a nod to the eggs we eat and have on the Seder plate, sliced apples alongside trail mix was meant to mimic charoset, and fresh vegetables with dips were a nod to parsley and salt water. Here we share some recipes to help bring these dishes to your Passover table. Next week watch out for a post with resources engaging adults and children in the Seder that were shared at the event.

 

Cottage Cheese Mini Quiches

This recipe comes from Alumni Advisory group member Hilda Lief. It is super easy to make so kids can help!

1 lb. cottage cheese, small curds

3/4 cup Bisquick

1/4 cup margarine

1 onion, chopped

3 Tbsp. sour cream (or plain yogurt)

1 Tbsp. sugar

3 eggs

Mix all ingredients. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes in greased mini-muffin tins. Cool in pans 15 or more minutes before removing. Yield: 48

Roasted Potatoes with Lemon, Olives and Dill

Recipe by Associate Director of Adult Learning at Hebrew College, Elisha Gechter – check out her blog for more.

2 lb bag of red bliss potatoes

2 lemons

1 jar of cured pitted black olives

1 Tbsp. of paprika

1/4 cup of chopped fresh dill

2 Tbsp. olive oil

Salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Slice the potatoes in half and scatter on a metal baking sheet. Finely slice the lemons and olives and lay on top of the potatoes. Sprinkle with the paprika and dill and the salt and pepper. Drizzle with olive oil and then bake for 35 minutes until potatoes are golden and crispy.

Alumni Advisory Group member Phoebe Peabody shares her recipe for Matzo Brei as well as links to two new recipes she plans to attempt this year:

Horseradish Dipping Sauce

Sephardic Charoset Truffles

Matzo Brei

Adapted from Martha Stewart, a great "french toast" style treat during Passover.

6 matzahs (8 inch squares)

6 eggs

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1 Tbsp. sugar (we like it sweet, so decrease to taste)

Salt to taste

2 Tbsp. butter

1. Break each matzah square into about 8 pieces, place in large bowl. Add enough boiling water to cover, cover bowl with plastic wrap, and soak for about 5-8 minutes. Squeeze well with hands to remove excess water.

2. Heat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl, beat eggs, cinnamon, sugar and salt. Add softened matzah and mix.

3. Heat butter in 12 inch, oven-safe skillet over medium heat, swirl to coat. Add matzah mixture and press gently. Cook until brown on bottom and butter bubbles and comes up on sides. Place pan in heated oven and finish cooking, 15-18 minutes, or until brown.

4. Serve with syrup, or fruit puree.

Tip: You can cool leftovers and cut into wedges and warm in toaster oven. We make a big batch to be sure we have happy bellies all week!

For more Passover Recipes visit JewishBoston.com’s collection

Happy Eating!

Yes, Matzah Matters!

There were over 60 people at our "Matzah Matters" event yesterday at Hebrew College for local families and Parenting Through a Jewish Lens alumni.

Check back later this week for Passover resources and recipes!

Kids enjoy creating Passover crafts for the Seder table

More crafting and playing

Parents learn with Rabbi Julie Zupan, discussing how they can make the Seder more engaging for kids

Parents also learned with Rabbi Natan Margalit about involving adults as questioners and participants in the Seder

The food served was inspired by Seder cuisine

Parents peruse resources to help make their Seders come alive

Q&A with a Parenting Through a Jewish Lens Alum

Native New Englanders David and Alison Lobron live in West Newton with their two children and are members of Congregation Dorshei Tzedek. They participated in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens this past fall at their synagogue and David answered some questions for us about his experience. 

What prompted you to sign up for the course?
My wife and I took this course because we wanted to try Jewish learning together, and we were excited to do it with members of our community.  We had taken an earlier Parenting Through a Jewish Lens/Ikkarim class in a different synagogue, and while that was enjoyable, we found that we got more out of it by taking it in our own community.


How did you manage the time commitment?
Since we took an evening class, free babysitting wasn't offered. We hired a babysitter for Sunday nights so we'd both be able to go.  This worked out very well - we had a lot of conversations about the class together that would not have been possible if only one of us had gone.


What makes this a “Jewish” parenting course?
The study materials, plus the fact that we were taking it with members of our Jewish community.  I found it very stimulating to talk about parenting in the context of Judaism, and to see how other people work with the challenges that we all face.


Can you share one or two insights from the course that have stayed with you?
The sessions on Israel and Jewish chosen-ness were quite interesting, because people had very different points of view.  I think the Israel session was my favorite, even though we had some disagreements, because it was clearly on many people's minds.  Our class really spanned the political spectrum.


What did the instructor say or do to create a safe and stimulating learning environment?
I like that the instructor challenged us a bit.  Our congregation is a very liberal Reconstructionist one, and I found it refreshing to read some more conservative texts, e.g., those from Joseph Soloveitchik or Abraham Joshua Heschel.  I don't think our instructor was out to change minds, but I think it helped people see alternative approaches to some topics.


How might Jewish wisdom inform choices you make as a parent?
We've gained a tremendous amount just by being part of a community.  I feel much more resilient and supported than I would feel if we did not have community support.

We invite you join us on Sunday March 10th for Matzah Matters - a free event open to the entire community that includes learning and babysitting/kids holiday craft projects.

To Learn and to Teach

Rabbi Sharon Clevenger, a recent addition to our Parenting Through a Jewish Lens faculty, is the middle-school rabbi at the Rashi School in Dedham and the mother of two young daughters.

Today in my Parenting Through a Jewish Lens class, I learned something so elegant and inspiring that I wish I had thought of! I can’t wait to try it out in my own life.  I pretty much come home to my husband after every class and say this very same thing. Which is exactly what the framers of this course want - they hope that the small and large “aha moments” inspired by exchanges among teachers and learners will lead to lives more meaningfully lived.  I love and look forward to what I will learn each Sunday.  And I am the instructor.

There is a prayer in the morning service called Ahava Raba.  It thanks God for showing divine love for us (the Jewish people) by giving us the gift of Torah.  It asks God to have mercy on us by giving us what we need to: “understand and discern, to heed, to learn and teach and to fulfill all that is in God’s Torah with love.”  As a Jewish educator, I deeply appreciate the fact that “learn” comes before “teach.”  I walk into my classroom each Sunday, ready to guide my phenomenal students through the inspiring and challenging texts in our binders.  Yet I also enter knowing that I will leave that room knowing far more than I knew at the start of class.  I am there to learn and to teach.

Most of the participants in the class are relatively new to Jewish learning and a few are non-Jewish spouses.  Therefore, each person brings wisdom and knowledge from his or her life.  A typical class session might include students making references to renowned secular philosophers, American business law or Hindu religious and cultural traditions, not to mention the daily inspirations (and grinds) of parenting.  This would be a great conversation on its own, but what amazes me is the way that it all ties together with the texts in the binder and helps frame a “Jewish lens.”  This class is definitely providing transformative Jewish learning for all of the learners, including me.